I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
