it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Randomize
