i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
