I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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