i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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