this beer tastes like vomit already
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
