I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
