she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
