He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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