Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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