i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
