what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
