so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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