dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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