I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
