Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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