I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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