He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize