Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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