im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
