I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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