see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
