so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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