Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
