I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
