Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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