What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
