she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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