why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
