i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
