If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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