How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
