Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
