next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
