i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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