Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
