My boss' voice literally gives me gas
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
