its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
