I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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