I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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