someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
