is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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