yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize