I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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