Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sarcasm needs its own font
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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