I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
