i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
