Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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