I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize