she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
