She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
