i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
