The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
