I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
