i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
