i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
