she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize