Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
