i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
