Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
