So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Mom said you looked used
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
