he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
