Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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