a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
