A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
