Plan B is the new Plan A
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize