You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
