I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
