Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
