You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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