I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize