The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
