fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We left the knife in your bed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
