"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
