the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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