I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
