Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
