just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
