How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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