Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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