yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
