i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize