I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
