So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
